If you didn’t know I make music well now you know. Beat was produced by Grant Parks and this is for promotional use only. Song features a good friend of mine Quess Zion, check him out too. I know I currently don’t have a lot of content on my youtube but I plan on changing that very soon. As soon as I get a new camera there will be a lot more content on there but it’d mean the world to me if you could subscribe, like, comment, share, and most importantly enjoy.
A sweet forgotten sin
Bathing for her brings the sweetest comfort
allowing the water to caress her most intimate self
She feels herself at the edge, on the edge to release her hell
whispering ‘I have found a way to unlock my mind’
in her hands she holds the deepest secrets
from the scars to the warmth of gray cement
remembering summer days as they have gone and past
winter nights as they have gone and returned
nothing burns more than for what she yearns
Love at first she thought might be cure until it became her only curse
torn between love lorn and just letting go, no issue like the first
until the water drains to its last drop her heart hasn’t stopped
it beats faster with each thought racing through her
serenity isn’t inner peace nor is it meant to be its a tragedy disguised
by the illusion of bliss
as the words form in her lips she whispers again
‘I have found a way to unlock my mind…and that is to die and never revive
Not in the form of a song to write or a song to sing but as a sweet forgotten sin’
I am currently working on a collection of poetry that will be on sale through various platforms you can reach me through including wordpress or email. I will be posting three samples of the collection called Echoes of my time.
Carry me away
Carry me away in chains before I slip into a slumber of nightmares
Where my deepest thoughts emerge to create a monster I know too well
Since there is no place like hell it seems my second soul has created one itself
Please carry me away before I wander through the dark once again
In a place of lustful whores, blood, gore all decorated nicely on the floor
In a grotesque order that sings fashion but I sing along to a deadlier passion
A mission to the depths of a subconscious that’s been corrupted over the ages
If you don’t carry me away in chains i’ll break them…becoming this monster for an eternal unresting
Carry me away until every wall is white until the nurses know my name and I can finally live a peaceful life
There’s nothing more poetic than a drunken bastard with a knife carving his name on his skin over fifty thousand times, singing that same sweet melody that has made me insane the lyrics of a sunshine I have never seen
A Sinner’s blood bleeds truest over those claiming their pure
I know now that only death is my cure
Demon Day 3- The Perfect World
There were days much like this one that shaped up to be regular, typical scenarios. Not much to process, the coffee was the same stale, the breakfast was the same, just eggs. I wanted to shout, I wanted to scream, somedays I got so sick of days that were much like everybody else’s bland boring schedule. It was days like these that as a child I would run against the wind, I would want it to rain, I would want it to storm because it was the promise of something different, something more important.
I would search through the sky so vigorously as if I was deciphering some kind of ancient secret unknown to the world. I was hypnotized by the stars, entranced by the universe, enriched by the whistling wind, and the gentle rain. Done with the world id leave my bland morning on pause back at home. I was in a golf course now….how down on my luck was I, really? From boring to death by boredom. Nobody watched golf unless they wanted to die from boredom, right? Good sleep medication, ill take note of it.
I was here with company, when did that happen? This beautiful spanish girl who was loyal to me, who loved me but part of me felt indifferent to her. I didn’t blame her nor did I hurt her nor did I plan to. I kept her for as long as I could because her company was so welcome and her honesty was what I needed then…what was missing was the fire. The same fire I got when I looked up at the universe..
This time as a teen I looked up at the sky to get lost once more. How beautiful and dark it was. The raging grey skies fading the blue, the thunder roaring much like the lion heart within me, the lightening guiding me home. It was in these moments that I felt time pause, I felt my heart beat without my hand against my chest and I floated through my thoughts. I was running away, always running away…escaping my reality, forgive me.
The rain got heavy but we didn’t mind, a kiss was shared between us. Forgive me..I looked back up at the sky and thought. There’s a perfect world out there, maybe its in death, maybe its in our minds but we have to create it. As a child I was so addicted to the reality these creations were gifted to live in. From final fantasy, from the books I read, to Alice, to the nightmares in silent hill. Yes even the darkness was divine, why was I not happy with the reality here? No, that wasn’t true. I am happy with the reality here but we are missing the point of it all, yes that was the problem. Forgive me society but you don’t live in the perfect world because you have enslaved it.
I want to run away so badly because your system doesn’t apply to the soul, it applies to your agenda. This is convenient for you, for us to live this way but it never was convenient for me. Forgive me religion but my thoughts are far too abstract, forgive me god but I know you aren’t a man..in fact the chances of you bearing a figure are slim to none. Ive thought about it long and hard and have concluded on my own accord that you are the Universe. The truth is for those who read this….the perfect world exists within you and together with our worlds we are the universe as well. More so there truly is nothing for you to be sorry about and neither do I, lets run away to the perfect world together in unison.
(Photography by Junseisynn)
Demon Day 2- Becoming of darkness
I awoke one night in the trembling cold wondering where I was or what trip I had just taken. Cold sweat dripping down to my cheeks and my hands trembling only visibly enough to me. As a child they might as well have been tears but luckily for me they weren’t, something about pride. Was it a dream? A terrifying nightmare that gripped me, choked me and forced me to wake. I saw dead bodies around me…were they really dead though? Not dead enough it seemed. I could see their backs slowly caving in, expanding then collapsing again. Breathing slowly but motionless nonetheless.
I could still smell the stench of death, I could still see the far away window at a distance too far for me to reach. There was a light in the window that was slowly fading as if to tell me that your innocence is now gone, your innocence is now mine. I sat there in the middle as a child slowly aging as time swept past me. I realized later than sooner that it could’ve been nothing short of a message that was being transgressed to me. A message that would follow me until the day that I die. ‘You will become the darkness, you will wield it as a sword, you won’t succumb to it, you will fight it’
Those words repeated in my head as a child but what did it mean to me? It is just a dream, it is just a dream I told myself gripping my knees closely to me. It is just a dream, it is just a dream. Night after night the same dream followed until one night the dream drastically changed. This time I appeared to be in a dark cold room with nothing around me but a small glimmering red light. What it reminded me of was one of those rooms used to develop photographs, a dark room. How appropriate I thought. With nothing to do but to walk around aimlessly I decided to walk straight forward the red light. The closer I got to the light the closer I got to seeing what awaited me. The face of this demonic being, red like the light, and red like the color of rage. I could see it’s eyes glistening, its tongue slithering across its lips and its attention focused on me attentively. What did it want with me? ‘You are special in a way, a vessel, you are who you are but you are also me’
This me trapped in several wars in my mind. I have to win before I become shrouded by darkness and lose my light entirely.
(Photograph by Junseisynn)
Demon Day 1- Window Of Opportunity
Here I am again looking out at the window and thinking about this beautiful conceptual love so many of us die searching for. I can see the rain fall and I imagine them to be like the hearts of so many people falling in love only to be on a crash course straight to the ground. How does it feel? I ask them. How does it feel to touch the gray and find out it’s cold that it isn’t the warm arms you sought after. I’ve been torn apart that much is true, i’ve missed my window of opportunity that much is also true.
What else is there to do besides drink it down with some whiskey? Jack Daniels preferably. I watch the rain like a scientist picking apart his favorite experiment and just like that the idea invades my mind without consent given. These thoughts tend to rape my mind like the demons that haunted me as a child, they never let up nor will the rain. Not right now, right now it’s needed. That’s what I tell myself…that this battle is needed and so I fight it. The idea was that of a very simple true- in a way we are all scientists picking apart the emotions of these horrid yet beautiful beings we call humans. Is not love a combination of all emotions? Rarely have I seen someone love without hating parts and ideologies and perspectives that they just couldn’t come to grips with agreeing. Rarely have I ever seen someone love without feeling some kind of envy be it from others giving attention to this person you “love” or the person you “love” somehow being everything you look up to and everything you are not.
I am a scientist too in a way see because I pick apart all of you, I pick apart myself. You made me, and I make you isn’t it wonderful? I stare out at the rain again counting each drop but of course fighting a pointless battle. That’s what love is so i’ll let it come…i’ll let it come I say but when it arrives I won’t know who I am anymore. Certainly not the scientist, certainly not a human maybe just a demon…maybe i’ve finally become just like them. You are welcome mind, i’ve succumb to you and I love you. There it is again, finally…love.
(Photograph by Junseisynn)
The double faced
They are all there for you when you smile but they run when your forehead crinkles up and your knuckles turn white. They crave your attention but fear the blinding light of your powerful energy. What face do you hide in the shadows? What mask do you wear when appropriate? What side of you are you willing to show? Don’t pretend that you don’t know, don’t pretend it isn’t you because the same cracked image of the bloody man and woman in the mirror is still your reflection. They will rally, they will cry, they will unite on similar views but dare if you try to differ because that is when they pull the trigger. Sacrifice you as a martyr, as an example of what not to be even though you already are. I am a riddle, a puzzle, and an empty canvas all at the same time. No matter what ink blots you leave on me, I will always shed the skin and find a different host. Are we all parasites? Are our souls draining the host until they die? One thing is for certain… we are one, even in our darkest hours.