Wait for me at the end of the road with the same bouquet of roses that I gave you years ago, remember? They are probably dead and rotten by now but it’s strange how eerily similar they are to our love, wouldn’t you agree? How did we let it get this bad? We used to take walks by the beach letting the wind take us but now it feels so suffocating. These day’s nothing’s the same.
I am trying to calm myself, I am trying to breathe but the ocean is calling me, it’s taking me away. Slowly drifting in and out of consciousness I try to focus on the dimming sunlight. I remember a dim lit room with the same roses I gave you set on a table near us. They are alive, still fresh, still beautiful like you. Something about the room shakes like an unknowing force is pushing, shoving and re-arranging the scene.
Breathing in, breathing out like I have this down pat and rehearsed. Still the water is gushing in to every opening it can find. Such a beautiful, peaceful and resourceful bit of nature has suddenly become violent and monstrous. The scene comes into view again, we are arguing. Arguing about something dumb no doubt but the expression on your face would tell anyone otherwise. I never laid my hands on you but that night I might as well have reached into your chest and tore your heart right out.
I said something stupid like I always do, you said something stupid like you always regret to do and then… Curtains close. By now my lungs are exploding they have become a symbol to the anger I never learned to control. The blood is building up as if I needed anymore fluids filling up my body. I am choking but im used to choking on the words I never told you. I should’ve told you I loved you before your dreams took you from me forever.
One last scene, I see you laying in the bed. Pills are scattered everywhere like colorful advertisements promoting death. I see you holding the flowers I gave you that same morning against your chest but your eyes are empty. Your soul has left it’s body, where have you gone? That night I learned that I hadn’t become strong enough because this pain was something I couldn’t describe. Maybe that’s why I’m here…
At the bottom of the ocean holding on to those rotten roses. I guess I’m moving on.